Remembering Rose Ellen Parts 9 & 10: Rose Ellen’s weekly letters home stop coming
By the Fall of 1967, Papa Don and Grandmama had begun to seriously worry about Rose Ellen. In a letter from Papa Don to Mrs. Keren Young in the social work department, he expresses their worry.
Dear Mr. Young,
When we visited Dr. (too illegible to transcribe) in his office he said to write to you if it seemed necessary.
Rose Ellen entered the Fort Wayne School when she was 19 and in Dec., she will be 54. She had been in Molly Wood Hare school, Langhorne, Pa many years from age 6. There she was taught hard work, reading, writing, and almost from the first she has written to us regularly, weekly. This continued through all the years at Fort Wayne until two years ago when she became irregular in writing, perhaps because she has been required to use school paper and needed someone to give it to her, but she was always writing the letters herself. Now we have had none for six weeks written by her and we are very anxious to get her letters. Letters from attendants did not show her extreme mental worry but gave us the idea she was well and adjusting herself to the change. Now this may be the case and her condition when we saw her may just have been an explosion and we sincerely hope she is adjusting.
She has always been a busy person at something and has kept herself contented in this manner and perhaps because her work did not go with her when she changed may be some of the cause of her worry. At Harper, she went to classes most of the years and no doubt she misses them now.
Also, she brought home a membership card from a church and it seems worthwhile to try to continue this for her.
We take the liberty of writing to you because Dr. Ackerman said you could perhaps work out some plan with the nurse and Mrs. Curry, to make her more contented, for we are very much concerned about her. It seems her friends at Harper stayed there.
In all these years we have never seen her so depressed.
Another reason we are trying so hard to help her is that we are past eighty and time is running out for us, so take this into account when considering this problem and help her to get us letters.
We know that she is not your only problem but she is our main problem so you are helping all three of us.
Sincerely,
E.D. Skeen
Just a few days later, Oct. 6th, Mrs. Carole Jacquay, Social Worker, wrote back acknowledging that she had received his letter, but not to worry. Rose Ellen was having a “fun” time!
Dear Dr Skeen:
I received your letter today concerning your daughter’s adjustment and welfare. I am sorry that she has not written to you. However, I am sure that the attendants have written to you about Rose Ellen’s current adjustment.
She has been busy with her sewing and has received new supplies. The cottage is always planning suitable activities for Rose Ellen and her friends who live with her. They get to see movies, play games and even have parties. Now, everyone is looking forward to the Halloween party. There is a parade and a big celebration. It is a “Fun” time for all.
Be assured that the whole staff is interested in Rose Ellen’s adjustment and that everything is being done to make her happy and content.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Carole Jacquay
Social Worker
But the letter writing continued to be a problem, with a new twist. Rose Ellen had been telling her mother that she is not receiving letters from her. The social worker attempts to clear things up in this letter, dated February 13, 1968.
Dear Mrs. Skeen:
Thank you for your inquiry about Rose Ellen’s letters. I have checked with the attendant in Rose Ellen’s cottage. Rose has been receiving your letters and really enjoys hearing from you. Perhaps she told you she was not receiving your letters because she did not get one on the usual day.
Rose Ellen continues to adjust to her cottage. She is now more satisfied with her new home and mixes well with the other girls. The attendant says she loves to crochet and does a very nice job.”
The fact that Rose Ellen could read and write was one piece of information I recall knowing about her when I was young. Even then, I just could not understand how anyone who could read and write was deemed unfit to live with us, her family. Ours was a household of readers. Reading was a daily practice and books were ever-present. “Bring a book” and “Do you have a book?” were frequent reminders whenever we went on a trip or outing. To be stuck without a book was a calamity. I wonder what Rose Ellen would have liked to read. The staff member at the Molly Woods Hare school mentioned to me that there are photos of children from that era, being read to at bedtime, but did that continue in Fort Wayne? It seems doubtful.
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Worry and concern
Papa Don’s worry was acute. He became seriously ill just two months later. The past three years had been a downward spiral for my grandparents. As they aged, their concerns about Rose Ellen intensified. Their lives were becoming more difficult as Papa Don was diagnosed with cancer. Their visits were stopped but the letter-writing continued. I learned from one letter that my Papa Don spent months in the hospital and then was nursed at home by my Grandmama. The details of his care are found in a letter she wrote to Rose Ellen explaining why she could not come home for summer vacation.
Grandmama wrote the following letter on May 8, 1968.
Dear Mrs. Jacquay,
I do not know the correct person to write to, concerning the following. My husband was in S. Joe Hospital here from Nov. to the middle of Feb. Most of the time in Intensive Care. A (or most) malignant cancer was removed. The highlight of the year, for Rose Ellen, is her two-week vacation at home. This will not be possible this summer. Can anything be arranged there? This is going to be an awful thing for Rose Ellen to meet.
For weeks …
(The second page of the letter is missing)
May 19, 1968
Dear Rose Ellen,
Now I am going to see if I can help you understand all the trouble since your father got terribly sick the first week of Nov. more than 6 months ago. I wrote Mrs. Curry asking her to please read this to you so you can be sure you understand. So please give her this. The 3 months your father was in the hospital I was there all day, every day. Since he is here I take all care of him. He has clean clothes each day. I wash all of them, except the bed sheets, by hand in the wash bowl in the bathroom- I feed him 5 times a day. I give him medicine regularly 9 times each day then there is extra medicine. I give him his baths (wash all bath towels) + give him enemas. I have to help him walk from bedroom to bath and back. I brush his hair, shave him, clean his teeth 2 or 3 times a day. He spits up lots, so I keep Kleenex at hand + burn it when used. I cut his toe and fingernails. The doctor does not know how long I will need to keep doing all this. And it is almost summer and I am worried sick about your vacation. With your father like he is, you cannot come here. I don’t say home for it isn’t to me-just a place to stay. So I know the children who do not go away from there, get to do something extra. But it would have to be settled ahead of time so I wrote and do hope you get to do something different. Rose Ellen you do not seem to know or won’t believe I am always thinking of you. For months now, I hardly hear from you. How do you think that makes me feel? You know very well I love you. I am doing the best I can.
Mother
P.S. Also I answer all your father’s letters that come to him. His hand shakes. There are more things too I do for him.
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“just a place to stay”
The situation could not be more heartbreaking. The “just a place to stay” as my grandmama calls her home, was a full “wing” of our family home. Their apartment had two large bedrooms, a small kitchen, a bathroom and a large living room, all beautifully furnished by them. The main part of the house was beautiful too, beautiful and somewhat chaotic in all the ways you can imagine with nine kids living there. Grandmama and Papa Don’s “wing” had a door. We knocked before coming in and we came in often to play cards and cribbage and watch TV. We did not have a television, so this was a particular treat. We were only allowed to watch what Grandmama wanted to watch: She loved westerns like Bonanza and Big Valley, talk shows and Lawrence Welk. Sunday nights were an exception. We gathered up on her Persian rug to watch the Wonderful World of Disney. We also watched Roots and Love Story, both watched by my mother, too. Grandmama ate dinner with us most nights and had friends that took her to the senior center to play bridge. In the letter she wrote to Rose Ellen letting her know she will not be coming home for vacation because her father has been ill, she does not call this big beautiful house full of kids “home.” “I don’t say home for it isn’t to me-just a place I stay.”
They had moved into our house with us from their own home, and then soon after Papa Don became ill. I imagine it didn’t feel like “home” to her. Her husband and older daughter are not with her. Her life had been totally turned upside down. Not only is she caring for her husband, but she is not able to visit Rose Ellen and then has to tell her she will not be able to come “home” for her summer vacation.
Mrs. Susan Duun, Social Worker, replies to Mrs. Skeen, on May 24, just a few days later.
“We are very sorry to hear of your husband’s illness. We also understand your reason for not being able to take Rose home for a vacation; it would be too much of a burden on you to have to look after your husband and also keep track of Rose.
The nurse and cottage supervisor explained to Rose the exact reason for her not having a vacation this year and she understands completely. I am checking in to her being approved for the Adopt-A-Patient Program and will let you know as soon as I hear anything from Miss. Fuller.”
Six days later Grandmama makes a call to M. McCon-Inf, Harshman Hall. The notes on the call read:
“Rose Ellen’s mother called about 9a.m. 5-30-68. Said she had been unable to take her home because her father was ill and she didn’t want her to know it, but someone told her.
Her father passed away last night and she doesn’t want her to know it now. She wants to tell her herself. Said it would be impossible for her to come to the funeral. She hoped that if anyone noticed it in the paper or did know that they would not tell her. I did not inform the cottage or anyone of this. She wants to tell her herself at a later date.”